Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
