If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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