I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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