im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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