the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
