i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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