it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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