Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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