even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your penis caused this!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
