I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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