redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
