I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
