That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
