Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
