Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
