You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
