I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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