My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
