I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
