everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
