I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
