so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
