I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
