Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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