Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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