My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
