I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
