I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
