and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
