Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
