i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
