you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
