It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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