At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was CRYING into my vagina
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
