i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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