You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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