so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
