i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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