Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
