I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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