Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
