That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
