I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
