I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
