How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
