How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
