Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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