She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
