Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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