she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
