I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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